THE LESSONS I LEARNT FROM YESTERDAY’S iTiS WEEKLY KATCHUP.
In Truth and In Spirit (iTiS) Well of Worship Fellowship (John 4:24) has a weekly fellowship branded iTiS Weekly Katchup every Wednesday at Rock Bar & Grill, next to Speke Hotel.
Last Wednesday the topic was How to end a relationship and of the many lessons shared from the experts and experiential views shared here are the lessons I picked.
- Relationships are transactions from which there is at least one beneficiary. If one is blessed then there is a mutual benefit but there is always a single beneficiary, at least at the cost of the other. So how to end a relationship depends on how much it is worth. If you can end it and retain the benefits then there is no problem. It is about the deal cut.
- Relationships are not Connections but belief systems. Here is what I mean. You and your biological father have a biological connection and that cannot be done away with. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean you have a relationship with your biological father, etc. So we might be biologically connected but that doesn’t mean we have a relationship.
- PROFESSIONAL relationships such as work and institutional are easily to end, compared to PERSONAL relationships. The reason for this is due to how they start. In a professional relationship, documented agreements with stipulations are formulated while in personal relationships, it is how we feel that operates as the foundation of the whole thing.
- Because Personal relationships are PERSONAL, there is therefore no GOOD or BAD way of ending them, but VIOLENT and NON-VIOLENT ways of ending a relationship. Here is WHAT we meant, to say that it is good is like saying that a BREAK-UP is ever good. However, a breakup is a ‘breaking‘ and breaking can never qualify as GOOD. To qualify ending a relationship as BAD is to assume that those who end relationships are bad people just because they ended. However, this is not true, people ain’t bad because they ended. We, however, insist that we can either end VIOLENTLY or NON-VIOLENTLY.
- As a man from all the experience I have in these matters and deducing from the experiences shared in yesterday’s fellowship, I concluded that MEN are responsible for majority breakups based on their immaturity in this business of intimate relationships. It is always easier for men to end it anyhow than it is for honorable ladies. How to end a relationship, therefore, has too much to do with maturity levels and one’s appreciation of REALITY.
- Intimate relationships that have been subjected to professional tenets like signing a pre-marital contract have not struggled in framing a HOW TO END since the how to end is included in THE HOW TO BEGIN. I learned that how we install relationships has way to much to do with how we will Uninstall them. You cannot close a public (family friends, social media) relationship privately (you and him).
- There is a big between people being in an intimate relationship and them being friends. (I am sure a few people, if any, understand this). So when it comes to how to end an intimate relationship, many are deluded to believe that we can break up and stay friends. The reality that we have to come to grips with is that for breakups to stay friends is a symbol for a former FRIENDSHIP in a former relationship that is why what they had before has STAYED. If you were in mere intimacy, it is advisable not to assume what wasn’t originally. I hope am understood. Please stop calling them, texting them, taking them out, gifting them. It is a breakup, not a reconciliation committee. Let them heal without you the injury part of the process.
- Christians like many of us who have disobeyed the God who forbids us not to have sex outside commitment structures (like marriage) have faced it rough when it comes to how to end a sexual relationship. Ending a sexual relationship is injustice especially to women to whom sex is not as casual as it is to many men. So to sleep with her, make babies with her is symbolically a commitment and something you cannot wake up and end anyhow. We are, therefore, reminded that God is right, sexually active intimate relationships are painful and draining to end than abstaining ones.
- Don’t be a coward who sends signals of the desire to end a relationship. Look into the face and eyes of those you want to end a relationship with and end it. Don’t use social media, don’t use friends, or even change house locks. You faced them when it started so be a man or a woman enough to start the end. Don’t blame anyone for the end but yourself. The best way to end a relationship is to hold both of you equally responsible for the end of the relationship not having the VILLIAN and the VICTIM. I don’t care whether the relationship ended due to one partner cheating, still, it is the other partner’s fault to have chosen a cheater at least. Be bold enough to take responsibility for the breakup equally. I always tell people at the fellowship that when two people break up, it is foolish to investigate who was wrong and who was right.
- A marriage relationship is a very serious stage of a relationship. It is one that requires extreme sensitivity in ending. The stakeholders must be not only consulted but convinced about the end. They must even participate in the dissolution of this relationship. The Bible has a condition (adultery) for divorce but also a provision (forgiveness) to Stay together beyond the condition to part ways. How to end a marriage, therefore, becomes more complex than we can imagine. For instance, adultery as a condition for divorce in a marriage setting doesn’t necessarily mean sexual activity alone but adultery as a theme in biblical theology goes way beyond sleeping with another partner to allegiance. In other words, once allegiance (belief) and attitude (love) shift, the HOW TO END A MARRIAGE has been launched. In the future, we will discuss these at length but for now, those are the lessons I picked yesterday.
God bless you, I invoke Truth, Reason, and Faith (2 Tim 2:7)
Priest Mutabazi. Isaiah. Tumwine. White (+256-775-822833)
iTiS Well of Worship Fellowship (John 4:24)
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