7 REASONS WHY WE SEXUALLY CHEAT (Part IV)

This is the seventh reason why we sexually cheat but before we talk about it, allow me to share what happened. Today, (Friday, September 20, 2019) when I arrived at the office, the first thing my workmate asked me was whether God was part of the problems Jacob faced at his Uncle’s place when he worked for seven years for Rachael and he was given Leah instead? My answer to him was; No, it was Laban to blame and Jacob but not God.

It is a human tendency to cast the blame for their woes either on God or on Satan. This does not actually end with problems but even with blessings. Allow me to say that however much God is willing to bless you, the channels (individuals and organized institutions) must be willing to deliver or at least let you access God’s blessings. It was not God who subjected Jacob to work for seven years as his dowry, it was Jacob’s idea and it was not God who switched the bride and neither did he inspire Laban to cheat. This was purely Laban’s idea and act.

How then is this related to the reasons for our cheating? The answer is because many who are caught cheating attribute their crime to either God or Satan. It is always God or Satan or actually one of the six reasons (Sin, Hospitality, Presence, Health, Comparative Syndrome and Idleness) that people give as the reasons for their failure. While contextually they might be justified in some cases, it should be noted that it is not always the case and neither should we always take that easy route of excuse. There is more to our cheating and that more is in the:

7. HUMAN FREE WILL:

Let me start with a question and attempting a response. What do I mean by ‘human free will’? Well, here is what I mean. It is the ability to choose and make a choice even to the extent of choosing against what you really want but do also understand it is not right. As a theologian and a student of philosophy, I am aware that there are two opposing schools of thought to my definition of human free will but to my belief that there is anything like ‘Human Free Will’ even.

One is ‘Determinism’ argues that man is part of the one machine known as the universe and man chooses within the confines of the general process towards production. Just like when you ignite your car engine, all other elements of the same engine operate in reference to the ignition, and so does man choose and act within the predetermined matrix of nature. From the perspective of determinism, every event in nature is the result of (determined by) prior/coexisting events. Every event is a confluence of influences.

Another is Fatalism, that holds that the events in human life have nothing to do with the human free will and one’s will affects and influences nothing. In fact, fatalism argues that even if there was something like human will, it would be fated as well. No matter what you choose or do, the same things will happen to you. Many religions and cultures believe in fate and somehow this belief influences their actions – both heroic and cowardly.

In Kinyarwanda, there is a saying: ‘Nzapfa Rwagyeze’ (I can only die or be hurt if it is death’s fated time). You find many hiding behind fatalism and defending their cheating and its consequences to fate. They excuse them from the responsibility they have as free will beings and present themselves as tools used and not as participatory candidates. It is a pity.

Whether we believe it or not, we cheat because we choose to. Cheating is a choice and lets not run away from this truth. I have always taught to my congregation that there are three kinds of choices in life: (a) Made (b) Not Made and (c) Made for us. There are choices we make, there are choices we don’t make and there are choices made for us and all the three are still choices in the matrix of the human operative free will.

To demonstrate this please read the event between Joseph and Mrs. Potiphar in Genesis 39:7-12. For Joseph and Mrs. Potiphar to be together was a choice made for them by Mr. Potiphar, while Mrs. Potiphar had sexual desires for the young man like many of us do, it was a choice not made for her to practically exhibit her feelings instead of internally fighting them. To Joseph on the other hand, however tempting the situation was and regardless of how much as a man wanted sex, he made a choice to run away by all means even if it meant running naked. It was a choice made and his free will in practice. It is interesting to note that it was a man running away from a sex offer and not a woman, it is only the willing men who will run away by all means from such an offer and only the willing will stay.

The truth of the matter is that we are reasonable reasons who are individually and corporately responsible for our choices. Human will refer to the human capacity to actively decide what to do instead of reacting automatically to stimuli. Though we are beings under a physiological make-up of hormones, blood, and tissues; it is incumbent upon us to select different courses of action after rational deliberation with ourselves before choosing one action from among two or more alternatives.

Human free will does not mean we are just free to sleep around, it also means we are free not to sleep around. Feelings and Emotions are proper faculties of our being but they should not be the reference point of our decision making. A sound decision is a place where reason and will coincide. Am very sure if you look deep in your heart, you find how willing and participatory you were in the last incidence (or about to) of cheating.

God bless you I invoke TRUTH, WISDOM, and FAITH (2Tim 2:7)

Priest Isaiah White (+256-775 822833 for further inquiries)

iTiS Well of Worship Fellowship (John 4:24)

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