7 REASONS WHY WE SEXUALLY CHEAT (Part III)

This is the third part of the seven reasons why we sexually cheat. And as I have mentioned earlier, these might not necessarily be the personal reasons for every individual who was and has been involved in cheating but these seven act as a blueprint of all other individual reasons for doing the same. I use the pronoun ‘we’ because if you randomly asked the people around you right now if they have ever cheated on their spouses, 70% of the answers would Yes. It is an absurd fact that cheating is representative of our communities.

I live in Kampala city (Uganda-East Africa) and between 1 PM and 4 PM in the afternoon, most hotels, motels and lodges are busily occupied. What I am sure about is that 80% of the couples in there are cheating since these are less suspicious hours for their spouses. This is an embarrassing fact and something we must repent as a nation. We continue with the reasons:

5. COMPARISON SYNDROME:

In my experience as a pastor and human being placed amidst the real challenges of life, I have struggled to answer the question of whether people should have sex before marriage or not. Whether it is a YES or a NO, it turns out to be very problematic in post-marital issues aspect. Not having sex before marriage can be a shocker after tying the knot with a sexually dysfunctional or problematic person. While this can be something we can fix along the way, some issues are incurable and we have to advise the couple to dissolve the marriage based on the failure to consummate it.

On the other hand, however, sex before marriage is also loaded with many dangers to both the individuals and the marriage itself. For now, I will look at only one of those many dangers of sex before, after and outside marriage. Humanity is naturally comparative, we do our thing with one eye and ear fixed on other’s business. It happens that in our relationships, this weakness manifests and influences not just our feelings but even our choices.

(a)- Familiarity: Our earliest relationships form a template of what’s familiar for us, and before we know it, our minds and bodies turn that into a standard measure of what suits us. Familiarity is turned into a pattern of determining what is good and wrong for us. Some people will be discouraged by the size of the P-MAN of their husband in reference to the size of their Ex. Men will get so used to the moaning of one lady that they will appreciate moaning if another woman moans in the manner these men are used to. It is due to this syndrome that we start teaching our spouses to be other people rather than appreciating them for who they are.

I am not opposed to sexual innovations but questioning whether every style is for you as a couple. Why should our (me and my wife) sex have a citation and bibliography of other people’s experiences? Why do we always compare and contrast? Can’t we do our thing and let it be? Isn’t ignorance safer than some information in this particular case?

We suffer from this comparative syndrome that we cannot tell the difference between what we really want from what we are used to. In most cases, spouses fail to reach an orgasm just because their partners have not done what the former partners patterned as the trigger-points. It is because of this comparative syndrome due to the fallacy of familiarity that spouses cheat with other people especially their Exes.

While it is true that all people are not the same sexually, it is also true that it is an abuse of the personality of your spouse to try and make him/her a copy of another person. You are safer if your current spouse is sexually better than your Ex and at high risk if the reverse is true. However, I must mention, again that; the problem is not with your spouse but with you. It would be better if you stopped comparing and started adapting and familiarizing yourself with what you have. The Lord has warned us to always drink from our own cisterns regardless of the quality those waters {Proverbs 5:15-21}.

I once told my wife told my wife that I love her because I have no alternative and that almost cost me life. Of course I know how even you my reader perceive it but what I was saying was that she is incomparable and neither did I choose her after a compare and contrast activity. I took her on because she is the only one of her kind and cannot dare compare her.

6. IDLENESS:

It is funny but people cheat due to inactivity. Idleness is not restricted to physical inactivity but even mental stillness. Idleness is not actually inactivity but a particular kind of activity with particular productions. That is why I say that Idleness is a factory of Idols. Masturbation, pornography and all promiscuity features are products from the idleness factory. People who have no work, but have a lot of free time can take up some hobby and some hobbies could be entry points to sexual unfaithfulness. No matter what argument we come up with, Idling is dangerous and it is one of the strongest temptations that make the majority of us vulnerable.

I can tell you that many spouses find themselves in sexually compromising situations when it is too late and few can even explain how they got into such. It normally begins like boredom and little do we know that idleness and boredom are buddies. Once boredom takes its toll on us, we conclude we are bored not minding the cause of the boredom and at that point the activity known as idleness kicks in. Almost everyone as fallen human beings has lying and bound demons in them that are likely to rise once you are in the state of idleness. We have those sinful propensities that are largely disguised by how busy and focused we are in life. But the moment we switch off productive thinking and stop constructive activities, these sinful propensities in us rise and start operating us.

It is dangerous for sexually committed people to indulge in any kind of idleness be it physical or psychological. You are idle if you are entertaining women’s or men’s beautiful pics on your phone, tab or computer. You are idle if you are searching internet links, YouTube and joining social media groups that promote eroticism. It is an idleness guy-thing for men to discuss their sexual experiences with particular women with fellow men and I can tell you that you the listener are idle as well. The old adage says: “An idle mind is a devil’s workshop” and I find no better demonstration of this in the context of why spouses cheat than the story David (a stay home king in the times battle) narrated in 2Samuel 11:1-5. Morgan Freeman said: “Get busy living or Get busy dying”. Idleness is the busyness of death.

Read part IV here.

God bless you I invoke TRUTH, WISDOM and FAITH (2Tim 2:7)

Priest Isaiah White (+256-775 822833 for further inquiries)

iTiS Well of Worship Fellowship (John 4:24)