Question: Pastor, I would like to ask, what does one do when he finds himself in an unreciprocated love situation?
Response: The reality is that there are times when we have romantic feelings and actually get involved in a relationship only to find out the other party doesn’t feel the same way. This is what some call Unrequited Love. The feelings and attitude are not mutual.
There is nothing as important as knowing how the other party feels about you in intimate relationships. Love is a very emotional business and professionalism cannot sustain it.
You cannot be in love and be professional at the same time. Your partner needs to know beyond paper, how you feel, think and how important you are to them.
You are in an unrequited love relationship when the following is a pattern:
- Familiarity: You have been together for six months but he/she still feels strange to you. You can’t really say you know him/her. She/he is never predictable to you. To make matters worse, your partner seems to know too much about you more than you know about them.
- Initiating Contact: You are the one to call and if you don’t call the day goes. It is you to ask how they feel not them. You text, and they don’t reply or take the whole day. The I miss and I need you is not mutual feeling. When you talk on the phone there is some sort of coldness they give. They return your calls with negative energy and there is no enthusiasm at all.
- Unrealistic Expectations: In unrequited love situation, there are no hostages taken. You are either perfect or not. The feeling of failure is not mutual, there is always one party responsible for the fault. Jodi says: “In an unrequited love dynamic, only the emotionally invested person is able to see and hear the other party. There is not a mutual, healthy acknowledgment of each other in unrequited love.” There is no room for mistakes, but for one party.
- Public Confidence: In private they can come closer but in public, you must behave as if you are not lovers. The other party seems to be ashamed of you, and they cannot introduce you to their friends as their lover. You introduce her/him to all your friends but she doesn’t do the same. Your parents know her but none of her serious relatives knows you. He/she is your profile pic on almost all of your social media but in their phones, your photos are locked in a folder. He/she rarely take pics with you and warns you not to publicize the relationship yet. It is a situation where you are two individuals but actually alone in a relationship.
- Physical Touch: Psychologists say, “Our longing for connection includes physical contact and when people are equally attracted, there is a reaching out by both parties to want to connect on a physical level.” In an intimate relationship, lovers must touch each other, hold hands, hug always, kiss and have sex; in unreciprocated love setting, only one party does this and has to negotiate when, how and where to touch. It is unrequited love still generally if the romantic life is better than the relationship itself. Some people just like your sex but not you, others don’t like both of you (you and your sex).
The beginning of help in such a situation is for the individual to identify and know the patterns. You must see things for what they are and not be defensive. Don’t be creative enough to give excuses where it is not due.
God bless you I invoke TRUTH, REASON and FAITH (2Tim 2:7)
Priest Isaiah White (+256-793/775 822833 for further inquiries)
iTiS Well of Worship Fellowship (John 4:24)
@Think & Become
iTiS Well of Worship Fellowship (John 4:24) 