I have to admit, we live in difficult times. The more science and technology work towards simplifying life, the more life has become difficult, sophisticated and complicated.
In the sociology of intimate relationships, Marriage is the internationally accepted official way of relating romantically and intimately. Marriage itself, however, might mean different things to different cultures and beliefs. To us heterosexuals, it is between a man and a woman, to the homosexuals who believe they are born disabled, it is between same-sex partners.
To Christians, it is between one man and one woman. While Christianity is monogamous, other cultures are polygamous. In some religions like Islam, a man (not a woman) is free to marry up to four women.
Some believe marriage is official after the parents receive their dowry (whatever it might be) and the two sets of parents grant the two permission to live together. Others (religious especially) insist it is not a marriage until the religious leader has superintended over the union, and therefore, it is a marriage only and only when church, Mosque or Shrine has ritually granted the individuals allowance to live together. Marriage can be certified by the courts of law and that certification is always symbolically indicated by a paper known as the Marriage Certificate and to some, a ring on a particular finger.
Am not here to define what marriage is and what it isn’t (that day will come). For now, am interested in only answering one question; in what kind of intimate relationship should we use the term COMMITMENT?
Marriage can be certified by the courts of law and that certification is always symbolically indicated by a paper known as the Marriage Certificate and to some, a ring on a particular finger.
Am not here to define what marriage is and what it isn’t (that day will come). For now, am interested in only answering one question; in what kind of intimate relationship should we use the term COMMITMENT?
Today, if you asked 10 people on the street if they are married, only 2 would honestly answer YES, and 8 would honestly tell you they are not married. If posed a different question to the same people and asked whether they are single, 9 out of ten would tell you they are not single and 1 would say I don’t know (it’s complicated). So we live in a world where people are not SINGLE but not MARRIED either. The interpretational extent of the phrase;
So we live in a world where people are not SINGLE but not MARRIED either. The interpretational extent of the phrase; am single but not searching could take us places we do not want to go now. Again, if you asked for an intimate relationship with each of these 10 people, 8 would tell you they are COMMITTED (am seeing someone) and 2 would declare they are married.
Now the question is; what do people mean by AM COMMITTED if it is not MARRIAGE? Personally, I do not subscribe to the idea that it is a commitment if it is not marriage. To what and to whom exactly are you committed to? There is a way something wrong gets fused well into our psychology and after a period of time and a series of experiences, we subconsciously legalize it and start speaking of it as official even though it is not.
I do not understand what one means when they are asked out and they say: I HAVE A BOY/GIRLFRIEND. I do understand if someone said, am married and I have a husband or wife, (to me this is commitment), but I absolutely see no commitment at all under the boy and girlfriend arrangement.
Personally, I do not subscribe to the idea that it is a commitment if it is not marriage. To what and to whom exactly are you committed to? There is a way something wrong gets fused well into our psychology and after a period of time and a series of experiences, we subconsciously legalize it and start speaking of it as official even though it is not.
I do not understand what one means when they are asked out and they say: I HAVE A BOY/GIRLFRIEND. I do understand if someone said, am married and I have a husband or wife, (to me this is commitment), but I absolutely see no commitment at all under the boy and girlfriend arrangement.
He is your boy or she is your girl but not wife or husband, I do not see how you are committed to such. I think commitment is something the courts of law can enforce without difficulty and guesswork. When I ask you out or actually ask your hand in marriage and of all reasons you tell me you are seeing someone, or you are committed then this sounds like unofficial-official which essentially is a mix-up. In all honesty, we are either MARRIED or SINGLE. Am not saying we shouldn’t have boy/girlfriends, but these people should not certify what is legally unofficial. While verbal/oral agreements can be legally binding, they are the most contested and lost in courts of law, and the reason is a simple one; there is no record apart from he-said, she-said and therefore, they are not easily enforced.
In all honesty, we are either MARRIED or SINGLE. Am not saying we shouldn’t have boy/girlfriends, but these people should not certify what is legally unofficial. While verbal/oral agreements can be legally binding, they are the most contested and lost in courts of law, and the reason is a simple one; there is no record apart from he-said, she-said and therefore, they are not easily enforced.
I do not see why you should move around rubbing an unenforceable arrangement in the faces of potential husbands and wives. I don’t care how long you have been cohabiting, the history you have, the children you have made together and the economics at hand, it is still cohabitation. If you left her/him at home and you went back to find her officially married to someone else, that is it. You have no claim, period. The Bible is clear about the difference between adultery and fornication. A boy/girlfriend does not commit adultery.
As a trained pastor and theologian am telling you that only the married commit adultery any other erotic business outside marriage is fornication. The boy/girlfriends are fornicators and that doesn’t mean that fornication is any less of a sin compared to adultery but rather, making sure we have the right attitude and we call things right names. When she cheats with you, she/he is doing the same sin with another person as she always sins with you. As she fornicates with you, so she did with others, and it doesn’t make any sense to me when a thief is furious after a stolen property is stolen from him.
The Bible is clear about the difference between adultery and fornication. A boy/girlfriend does not commit adultery.
As a trained pastor and theologian am telling you that only the married commit adultery any other erotic business outside marriage is fornication. The boy/girlfriends are fornicators and that doesn’t mean that fornication is any less of a sin compared to adultery but rather, making sure we have the right attitude and we call things right names. When she cheats with you, she/he is doing the same sin with another person as she always sins with you. As she fornicates with you, so she did with others, and it doesn’t make any sense to me when a thief is furious after a stolen property is stolen from him.
If you are into an intimate relationship that is not marriage (as per its official understanding), please stop applying marital methods to something that is not marriage. I appreciate the fact that in a prison cell, there are laws and rules that govern that sociology, but let not the inmates forget they are all convicts. If one convict gets an exit opportunity, I don’t see why that convict would claim they are committed and remain faithful to the prison cell warden (I hope am understood). Stop telling people that you are committed if you are not married. Either you are married or not, the rest is FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS. It is two thieves sharing what they have stolen, period.
Stop telling people that you are committed if you are not married. Either you are married or not, the rest is FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS. It is two thieves sharing what they have stolen, period.
A fiancé not known by the parents and engagement rings prior to dowry payment is fraudulent. Don’t respect and fight for boundaries whose land title is not registered in your names. Do not be committed. Stop investing in a project that is not rightfully yours. Start making yourself available for proper registrars. You are not committed, you are just committing fornication so do not commit another sin of lying that you are committed.
God bless you and: THINK & UNDERSTAND (2Tim 2:7 NLT)
Pr ISAIAH WHITE
The Gospel Hawker
iTiS Well of Worship Fellowship (John 4:24)
iTiS Well of Worship Fellowship (John 4:24) 